Hey

Why this candle?

Why this cake?

The day of my birth

is not today.

I was born

when you said,

‘Hey’.

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Stages

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A butterfly does not return to a caterpillar after it is mature.

However, life comes in stages.
We all have different ages.
We do what we do because of our ages.
Knowingly or unknowingly,
we act because of where we have reached in life.

Although it seemed to be the young man who showed honour and obedience to the old man, to authority and dignity;
now again it was apparently the old man who was required to follow, serve, worship the figure of youth, of beginning, of mirth.

They played games.
The young and the old.
They are having fun on a stage where no actor can act.
They need a clown, so they could enjoy the applause of the crowd; which could feeds their egos, soothed their souls, and justified their filthy minds.

Is it true, that ‘kindness and cruelty’ and ‘mercy and justice’ all have secret affairs, as though they rendezvous only within certain sophisticated souls: those who hate being offensive, but love telling the truth ?!

I was once lost under the cloak of universal themes and terms such as freedom, change, and acceptance, madness ensues, being readily welcomed by those whose mind’s eye questions nothing.

Yet I’ve come to known that only grey,
you conclude that all greys are the same shade.
You mock the simplicity of the two-colour view,
yet you replace it with a one-colour view.

I am simple, but I am not a clown.
I chose to be simple that I wish the red sun reflecting the eagerness towards life.
Even when it’s setting down,
the last moment still engraved in someone’s heart forever.

Yes, I miss this land –
the ever pure and innocent souls of the people.

June 2019 – Lusaka, Zambia, Africa.

World Vision Trip to Zambia Africa – June 2019

Following my previous post of Curtain Call, I’ve compiled a series of amazing footage to capture the highlights of our trip to Zambia Africa.

A few weeks before our Zambia trip,
I was in Australia.
I saw kids running fearlessly,
with their hearts carefree.

When I landed at the Musosolokwe AP,
I saw kids running wildly,
with their hearts muddied with concerns.
Plates scattered on the ground,
filthy water in their cup,
they live with flies and call them a friend.

Children are the gifts from God,
their childhood should be equally measured by a similar standard.
While going the distance,
I saw the most genuine smile reflected from their heart
– it is called the simplicity of life bring forth true fruit of happiness.

So little they have in hands,
so much they produced from heart.
Indeed, our vision for every child,
life in all its fullness,
our prayer for every heart,
the will to make it so.

Thank you, World Vision,
for being a platform for us to reach out to the underprivileged.
I am so blessed today.

June 2019 – Lusaka, Zambia, Africa.

I can see His heart in everything He’s done;
every part designed in a work of art called love.
If He gladly chose surrender, so will I.

I can see His heart eight billion different ways;
every precious one, a child He died to save.
If He gave His life to love them;
so will I.

Curtain Call

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“What’s there to find in a broken heart;
if not assembled pieces of love for a pristine start.

What’s there to see behind the curtain;
only things that you don’t know for certain.”

At the boarding gate at 48, my heart was full of uncertainty.
I looked at my toes and blank in mind:
“I will do it better, for this time …”
I promised myself.

After more than 30 hours of journey, we settled down in a delightful place in Zambia – Urban Bliss Hotel at Kabwe; welcomed by all the lovely faces.
My mind was still clobbering with 3 different time zones within a day, and full of butterflies in my stomach.

Day One, I can’t believe I missed home and wanted to go back right after I’ve landed.

Tossing and turning in bed, I woke up with the pounding in my head.
(ouch, today is gonna be a long day)
Swollen down a paracetamol, I started my day with the most adventurous task which later on I’ve discovered that this need to be repeated daily
Sarong Chitenge* wearing !

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We hitched up the bumpy rides, towards the Chimwala community reading camp!
The nostalgically smiley little black faces surrounded me have finally embraced me with a sense of belonging. Yes, that’s the African sentiment I’ve tasted so long ago !
And I can’t believe I miss them very much.
Mulibwanji*? they said.

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Heading towards one of the households which deeply impacted by the bad water points that bring adverse effects to the well being of the people.
As a cultural practice in Zambia, children wake up early in the morning to help the family with chores which include fetching the water from the well.
After my first attempt at pulling up the bucket from the well, I was secretly whispering in my heart “God, I thank You for everything that You’ve given to me, I am so blessed”.

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We heard the story of Cleo (pseudonym) who fell into the well and traumatized with flashback ever since the incident happened back in last year October, our hearts hovered with grief and anguish towards the people of this land.

We went back to the hotel in darkness (due to short circuit of the electrical supply) and our emotion was very much synchronized with the surrounding – a dim vastness was spreading before our souls!
God is gracious toward the softhearted, under the move of what we have seen in the morning, the trippers decided to raise funds for the built of a borehole / mechanical water pump for Cleo’s community !
By the grace of God, He multiplied our five loaves and two fishes
and made our dream comes true.
Zikomo* they said.

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Indeed, no one is ever satisfied where he/she is, only the children know what they’re looking for …
I was overwhelmed by seeing Cat C. after years of sponsoring her. In my memory, she was a shy and sad little girl on the first glimpse of her picture.
To my great surprise, I was received by her spontaneous and warm hug on our first met !
That smile, I would never forget.
Every single second that I’ve spent with her, I was mindful that her well being is harmonized with mine.

As much as long conversations, laughter riots, and wild meetups are desirable, there’s still beauty and satisfaction in knowing via a simple gesture that you wish someone well and they wish you back the same – we dance triumphantly to celebrate life with the rhapsody in our hearts !

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Day Five, on the last day of our stay

I can’t believe we were about to leave this place.
Wandering at the hotel front desk and looking around at all the now-familiarised faces, I was reminiscing the first night when I stepped on this ground, I was covered with fears and all the people that I do not know.
However today, new friendship has brewed and I started to miss everyone already!
We stood there, looking at each other, hardly saying anything.
But it was the kind of nothing that meant everything.
Our hugs uttered it all !

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Like what Mother Theresa said:
“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today.
Let us begin.”
I brought back the smiles of everyone, full of gratitude in my heart. Noting that this moment is so precious that I would love to treasure every single minutes of today.

If I ever go looking for
my heart’s desire again,
I won’t look any further than my own back yard.
Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.
Thank you Jesus, for everything.

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Goodbye, Zambia ! I will see you soon.

June 2019 – Lusaka, Zambia, Africa.

* Please check out my post on the previous trip to Lesotho, Africa back in the year of 2013 here.

Footnotes:

Chitenge – The chitenge(or kitenge) is an African garment similar to the sarong, often worn by women, wrapped around the chest or waist, over the head as a headscarf, or as a baby sling.

Mulibwanji – How are you

Zikomo – Thank you

Letter to Miss Lewis, Oct. 1, 1841

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Is not this a true autumn day?
Just the still melancholy that I love
– that makes life and nature harmonise.

The birds are consulting
about their migrations,
the trees are putting on
the hectic or the pallid hues of decay,
and begin to strew the ground,
that one’s very footsteps
may not disturb the repose
of earth and air,
while they give us a scent
that is a perfect anodyne
to the restless spirit.

Delicious autumn!
My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird
I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.

May 2019 – Aravina Estate, Perth, Western Australia.

Stay

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You can run away from yourself so often,

and so much,

just because the broken pieces of you cut your feet too deeply if you stay around for too long.

But then what if someone were to come along;

and pick up those pieces for you?

Then you wouldn’t have to run away from yourself anymore.

You could stop running.

If someone sees you as something worth staying with

— maybe you’ll stay with yourself, too.

March 2019 – Starbucks Reserve Roastery, Tokyo, Japan.

What great leadership and music have in common

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This article is too good not to share!

“At the concert, every violin player, drummer and singer knew why they were there and what their role was. The result was harmony. The same is necessary in any organization. Each employee needs to be on the same page. And that page must be seen, understood and emotionally absorbed.”

Jim Crupi is a management consultant with a long, brilliant resume. (Heard of CNN? He helped set the strategic stage that led to its creation.) Here, he distills some of his best leadership advice into one memorable metaphor.

Music is all-consuming. Our reaction to a great song can be so visceral that we are forever connected to it. Hearing that song can bring you back to a moment in time, and often, it binds you to a person too; every time you hear it, you are there with them again, reliving a wonderful moment. This is something every leader aspires to do with those around them as well: to inspire and move people like great music does.

In 1996, I watched a concert with singers from around the world, including Zucchero and Pavarotti. I was amazed by the performers — but beyond that, I was enthralled by the leadership lessons embedded in the music. That concert helped me frame these lessons, which pull together stories and insights from some of the great people I’ve worked with.

1. A leader is both a singer and a songwriter.
People don’t really listen unless there is an emotional impact that causes them never to forget. As a leader you have to touch people’s hearts as well as their heads. What you say, the lyrics, must tell a meaningful story — and the way you tell that story, the music, must resonate in the heart of the listener.

Many executives tend to deal more with the mind and not so much with the heart. One executive I’ve worked with is really, really good at solving for this. He’s the company’s founder and is looked at by everyone as the person in charge. Yet in every company-wide meeting, he talks about what the company has accomplished as a whole, and he calls out other people in very positive ways. He focuses on their values and their commitment to excellence. It is the music of his leadership, and it is subtle but powerful.

He pays attention to the little things. For example, he asked a nutritionist to study the snacks in the company break room and make sure all of them provided nutritional value. It’s one thing to tell people “we care about you” — it’s another thing when somebody is paying that kind of attention. Every time you go into the break room, you know you’re cared for. It’s a decision that’s been made intellectually, but it impacts you emotionally because you know it’s in your best interest. That’s the music.

Ted Turner was another leader who was really good at this. His counter-intuitive insights forced people to think in ways that touched people’s hearts beyond normal business decisions. I was asked to help frame a strategic workshop that ultimately led to the creation of CNN and headline news on a global scale. At one point in the discussion, the company’s MBA-educated executives in the room were thinking: “Okay, we need to figure out how we’re going to broadcast in German, in Chinese, etc.” And Ted Turner, as only Ted could, says, “Y’know, I know that’s what they taught you in business school, but we’re not going to do that. How many of you have ever heard of the Tower of Babel?” All these executives looked at each other as if to say: “What is he talking about?” Ted went on: “We’re going to broadcast CNN in English in order to teach the world a common language, so that people can understand each other and create peace in the world.” You could see the intellectual business argument immediately dissolve and the music take hold. Trust me, nobody has forgotten that moment in the history of that company — nobody.

2. Make sure everyone is on the same sheet of music.
At the concert, every violin player, drummer and singer knew why they were there and what their role was. The result was harmony. The same is necessary in any organization. Each employee needs to be on the same page. And that page must be seen, understood and emotionally absorbed.

When I first start working with any new company, I go onsite and talk with the key people and write a report about what I have learned. In my first conversations with one particular company, I asked 15 people: “What’s the vision of this company?” I got fifteen different answers. So I wrote my report, and recommended that the executive I was working with should take this group offsite for a workshop, to create a vision statement and set three strategic goals they could commit to. Eighteen months later, I came back and interviewed this group and a few more people, a total of thirty employees. This time when I asked them what the company vision was, everyone had the same answer. Everyone was on the same sheet of music and understood how their role and the role of others created strategic harmony.

3. Develop a simple theme — then repeat it.
Have you ever noticed how a song’s lyrics repeat themselves over and over again? They become so familiar that you sing along; you absorb them into your being. An effective vision statement does the same thing. As a leader, you need to put it in language so everybody can “see” it and understand it. And get it into everybody’s hands. Remember that company that had 15 different ideas of what the vision was? When they developed their new vision statement, the CEO held a company-wide meeting for it. He said, “Every time you make a decision within your own department, ask one question: ‘Does it line up with our objectives?’” If you go into his employees’ workspaces today, they have that vision statement on a card in their offices. What’s amazing is, they can tell you the vision and the key strategic objectives without even looking at the card. It has become part of who they are and how they do what they do.

It’s the job of a leader to get a team to see and feel the mission, vision or task. People tend to focus on the familiar, on their previous experience. You need to get their attention on the vision — and keep it. They have to hear and see what you are after, over and over again, until that story becomes so dominant that they commit it to memory and their focus is absolute and intuitive.

The vision should be one sentence long, simple and picture-like, or it’s worthless. When General Tommy Franks led the 2003 invasion into Iraq and the overthrow of Saddam Hussein, his vision statement was simple: “Get to Baghdad as fast as you can.” Now that’s visual. He left it up to his individual commanders to figure out how to execute that vision.

4. Get the right players around you.
Playing in the concert were people from many nationalities and ethnic groups, children and senior citizens, women and men, it did not matter. All were dedicated to excellence and being in harmony with one another for a common purpose. Their cultural diversity built a harmony and strength that fed off itself to produce results. It is the same in an organization.

When I used to hire people for my organization, I was always reviewing a pile of resumes. Of course, by the time the resumes got to me they were all good — everyone was equally qualified. So I always asked these final candidates just two questions. First: Tell me about your life. I wanted to hear people talk about who they were, and what formed them. The second question: Rank, in order of importance, the five most important things in your life. Some people would say money, faith, family, etc.; others faith, family, money, etc. Everybody had a different answer. But their stories and answers gave me a clue to their character. I really listened and watched their behavioral response. Once the interview was over and they left the room, I’d ask myself one question: If I’m in a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and the boat is in trouble, who do I want in that boat with me? Those are the people I’d hire. They were the people who had the character I could count on when things got tough. Every organization has tough moments. You want people working with you whom you can count on when the tough moments come. I always chose character and attitude over skill, and that insured I always had the right people in the boat.

5. Let others shine.
The concert in Modena, Italy, had three conductors, who were somehow invisible. It was the same with Zucchero and Pavarotti. One minute they were stars; the next minute, they were in the background, replaced by the voices of children or the sound of a guitar player. The focus was on the music, not the individuals. It is the same in a company. The focus should be on the message and the music.

One executive I worked with had been an Army company commander — a leader of 150 people. The military regularly takes units into the field for training, in order to grade the leader and their unit’s combat readiness. So one night this commander is about to start a graded night attack exercise. Just before the exercise starts, he turns to the evaluator and says: “Before you start, I’m telling you right now that I’m dead, one of my sergeants who is responsible for resupplying ammunition to the troops is dead, and one of my lieutenants is dead.” The evaluator says, “Are you out of your mind? Your unit is going to fail the test!” But the former company commander said: “If they can’t do this without me, then I’ve not served them well.” Guess what: His unit had the highest scores of any company evaluated. He had ensured that his team was well trained. They had the confidence to act in spite of unforeseen and compromising circumstances. He said, “I wasn’t out front, I wasn’t even there.”

6. Cultivate commitment and enthusiasm; they’re contagious.
As the music reached into the hearts of the audience, everyone began singing along and clapping their hands with the singers and the orchestra. At the end of the song, the singers and the orchestra and the 1,000 people in the audience were as one, united by purpose.

I remember once talking to some pension fund managers, and I asked one of them: “What are you here to do?” And I love what he told me: “Well, if I’m successful, I’ll be providing jobs for people.” There’s a difference between people who think “I’m investing money for this pension fund, or that university,” and others who say, “We’re making it possible for people to live their lives. Our real clients are the students who need a scholarship, the families whose livelihood is preserved by our fund.” That kind of commitment permeates the culture of the company.

It is my experience that people who commit themselves to something bigger than themselves are just different people. There’s some new research that shows that these people have a more significant impact than those who see what they do as just a job. They are so driven beyond the normal that their actions are contagious. People stand in awe of their determination and drive.

7. Commit yourself to a bigger cause than yourself.
The concert was not just about the music; it was dedicated to raising money for Bosnian refugees. People will follow you if they come to believe that you are about something greater than yourself.

I’ve helped build leadership development programs across 40 countries in the world as a volunteer, and all I can tell you is that you can’t compete with the heart of a volunteer. There are 62 corporate executives, some with their spouses, who volunteer to serve as facilitators and coaches in these leadership programs; they pay their own way to the Middle East, Southeast Asia or Central Eurasia and spend two weeks of their own time with no compensation. Big things happen when people see others giving of themselves with nothing expected in return. One of the participants in a two-week leadership program in the Middle East was involved with a local NGO in Oman that served the deaf. He was so inspired by the example of these volunteers that he wanted his NGO to produce the very first Braille book in Arabic — and he did it. He told me later, “This program taught me that I needed to do something bigger than myself, beyond this program, beyond my family and beyond my country. I said to myself that if these people will come 10,000 miles away from home to help me, why not expand my efforts to serve the entire Middle East?”

The key to understanding the music of leadership is to understand that really good leaders know how to manage emotions as well as direction. In effect, they are in tune with those around them. And when the time comes to sing a new song so that they can take people in a new direction, they do just that.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jim Crupi is president and founder of Strategic Leadership Solutions. He thinks about the best and smartest ways to manage business, a lot.

Silence speaks

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There are all kinds of silences and each of them means a different thing.

There is the silence that comes with morning in a forest,
and this is different from the silence of a sleeping city.

There is silence after a rainstorm,
and before a rainstorm,
and these are not the same.

There is the silence of emptiness,
the silence of fear,
the silence of doubt.

There is a certain silence that can emanate from a lifeless object as from a chair lately used,
or from a piano with old dust upon its keys,
or from anything that has answered to the need of a man,
for pleasure or for work.

This kind of silence can speak.

Its voice may be melancholy,
but it is not always so;
for the chair may have been left by a laughing child or the last notes of the piano may have been raucous and gay.

There is a silence appears like fine flakes at first,
but becoming gradually heavier;
a blue and white dazzling light on everything one sees,
the ice-covered branches of the hemlocks sparkle,
bending low and tinkling in the sharp thin breeze,
and iridescent crystals fall and crackle on the snow-crust
with the winter sun drawing cold blue shadows from the trees

Whatever the mood or the circumstance,
the essence of its quality may linger in the silence that follows.

It is a soundless echo.

March 2019 – 湯沢高原スキー場, Tokyo, Japan.

Eat, Pray, Love

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The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying;

the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.

I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody.

I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door,

without causing any fuss or consequences,

and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.

November 2016 – Zaanse Schans, the Netherlands.

One day

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Every quote,

every book,

every film seemed to suggest that

one day’ someone would

come into her life

and love her with an intensity

and a passion she had never experienced before.

And to their credit they were right;

It all came;

and went so fast;

it really did feel

as if it were just

one day

February 2019 – Sabah, Malaysia

Backyard of the cathedral

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Growing up playing hide and seek
at the backyard of the cathedral.

Garden of flowers mingled with trees;
towers, spires and the domes.
Inner courts and outer courts;
felt so different in young mind.

Mum with bible in her hands,
talking something I don’t understand.

I sought my head in curiosity;
to the focal of the secret place.
Tipped my toe and sealed my mouth;
Breath would cleft serenity!

Robes of priests, papal ferula;
they looked solemn and frowned at me.
Veil and altar communion,
don’t mess up and be still, kid!
This is not a place for freedom,
do what I’ve said and you’ll be set free.

Grown up knowing what is right,
trying harder to stay right.
Do this, do that, and they said;
no one hear my inner voice.

Started journey to find light,
chased the shadow that might fight.
Detour; crooked; made a turn;
sheep was lost but Grace found it.

Broken vessels He treasures,
Nothing ‘ve wasted!
He said to me.
Feed My sheep if that you would.

Tears in eyes but less on hands,
break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Two fishes and five loaves bread,
only He can feeds them all.

He’d seen me through
and watched me grow,
This is My plan, oh My child,
only when you trust in Me.

The backyard of the cathedral;
tiny body Big future.

I’ve marked you,
I’ve marked you;
as a daughter
of the great I AM!

Love strikes away the chains of fear

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We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free…

March 2018 – Bali, Indonesia

Night sea journey


It is the night sea journey,
the lone fisherman on a tropical sea with his nets, and let these nets down
– sometimes, something tears through them that leaves them in shreds and he just rows for shore, and put his head under his bed and pray.

Scars are but evidence of life.
Evidence of choices to be learned from…
evidence of wounds…
wounds inflicted of mistakes…
wounds they choose
to allow the healing of.

They likewise choose to see them,
that they may not make the same mistakes again.

She turns around and saw him right underneath the shadow of his own,
like a mirror reflected herself.
With the whole universe in his mind
he’s looking afar.
In the midst of the ruin, she tries to embrace the chaotic beauty of his world.
It was then, he has become …
her greatest asset.

Yes, she chooses to stay,
only if he’s willing.

Hymn to a Good Wife


Finish my book of Proverbs on the last day of the new month.
This last passage has become my goal.
Wisdom gets you everywhere !

Hymn to a Good Wife

A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

She shops around for the
best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship
that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.

She’s up before dawn,
preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.

First thing in the morning,
she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.

She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,and keeps them all busy and productive.

Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things,but you’ve outclassed them all!”

Charm can mislead
and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

Proverbs 31:10-31

Mouthful of Forevers


There will always be those
who say you are too young and delicate
to make anything happen for yourself.

They don’t see the part of you
that smolders.
Don’t let their doubting drown out
the sound of your own heartbeat.

You are the first drop of rain in a hurricane.

Your bravery builds beyond you.
You are needed by all the little girls
still living in secret,
writing oceans made of monsters,
and throwing like lightning.

You don’t need to grow up
to find greatness.
You are so much stronger
than the world
has ever believed you could be.

The world is waiting for you
to set it on fire.

Trust in yourself;

and burn.

The glimpse

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It’s the intricate details I miss the most.

The soft lines around the eyes

when you smile …

or that look you have;

the confusion between your brows;

which I stopped my hands to appeased;

sometimes ago that I could not begin to recall

– but I would know it if I saw it again.

It was the look that gave you away.

I’d know that look anywhere …

It will be my everything.

In the beginning

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… of 2019, I woke up with this view from my balcony;

It’s the shine that waken me up from my sick bed.

I love sky,

I believe every beautiful thing comes from above.

On the last service of the year,

He promised that this will be my year.

Looking at the beautiful canvas He painted above,

Isn’t that He still keeping His promises?

Would you, believe with me?

January 2019 – Singapore

Thanksgiving

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It is the time of the year again !

Every year during this season, I would dedicate a post to myself in this place, to reflect and to give thanks for all that have happened in a year.

1. Followers
First and foremost, I would like to thank the 475 lovely souls (at the time of the writing of this post), who are following my ups and downs throughout this year.

Give credit where credit is due – Most of the poems are originated from different authors and I do not own any copyright for articles posted as quotes herein. However, those articles remained heartfelt and reflected the very moment of my emotional state when it was posted. That being said, all words screamed the inner voice that was long for an escape in me. Thank you, for listening to my heart.

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.”

2. Career advancement
Another fruitful year in term of career, I am thankful to God for opening every door that shut on my face, and rewarded me abundantly in public for what I’ve been praying fervently in secret. Without Him, I can do nothing !

Whilst it remained a fiery desire in my heart for being ambitious, I have constantly reminded myself the two things that I could bring to the eternity, and career is neither of them ! Meanwhile my feet are landed on the ground, I aim to get a life that means something to myself; or to someone; which is more valuable than career itself – it is call purpose.

“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”

3. Health
2018 is an unexpected deterioration in term of health. I have encountered the first time in my life a full anaesthesia performed on me for an unexpected surgery which came out of no where. I believe God is faithful, for all that happened, He will restore 120% !

“Stretch. Inhale. Exhale. Feel. Become. Aware.”

4. Family
Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. I endeavour to keep myself moving and improving, but behind every good success and achievement, there is one powerful woman of God who keeping me in prayers every single minute. Thank you mum, and I love you.

“The best way to feel family is being part of it.”

5. Friendship and Relationship
Friendship – People who remained, are those that gonna be the friends forever! Thank you everyone for making my life a colourful one! This year, new friendship has brewed, and some of those are very dear to me, whom I wanted so much to carry on as friend.

“Don’t walk in front of me … I may not follow; don’t walk behind me … I may not lead; walk beside me … just be my friend”

Relationship – They say time doesn’t heal emotional pain, you need to learn how to let go. This is indeed the year of learning how to let go of the past. I was once believing that a broken heart could never have the same strength to cradle this thing call love. But God has proven me wrong.

We may be living in a world that being ‘instant’ is the ‘substance’ that moving us towards our heart desires. However, after the crushing and pressing of the grapes, a good wine goes on to the process of fermentation, clarification, and aging – which required time. This is what it’s all about. The past that I have let go, I would never want to pick it up again. However, I have learned to allow myself to be fragile; putting down the fences of guarding my heart; it is when I conceded to be vulnerable, I found the strength to love again. All I need, is the fortitude of valor to begin this journey.

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…”

6. Travel
From time to time, I would allow myself to have a solitude of moment with the greatest High. That is when I renewed my visions and dreams. I’ve spent a fair amount of time travelling the globe in this year only to found that slowly but steadily, I could enjoy the ‘restful’ moment without checking my work phone intermittently . It is vital, to have this selah every now and then. I have learned throughout my travel moment, listen to the ‘still small voice’ which guiding my path everyday. It is not about marking another territory where I setting my foot on, it is about another journey that He stays beside me – so faithfully. Indeed, I nearer than I was yesterday and further than I am today.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

7. River that flows
Last but definitely not least, this whole post will rendered meaningless without giving thanks to my God, who are the River that flows in my life for every season. I aim to go with the flow, the relentless twists and bends, acclimating to the motion, and a sense of being led by Him. I am hoping that in 2019, it will be a year of breakthrough for me, in all area.
_________________________
In the ever-shifting water of the river of this life – I was swimming, seeking comfort; I was wrestling waves to find a boulder I could cling to, a stone to hold me fast, where I might let the fretful water of this river round me pass.

And so I found an anchor, a blessed resting place, a trusty rock I called my Savior,
for there I would be safe.

From the river and its dangers,
and I proclaimed my rock divine,
and I prayed to it “protect me”

and the rock replied:

God is a river, not just a stone;
God is a wild, raging rapids;
And a slow, meandering flow;
God is a deep and narrow passage;
And a peaceful, sandy shoal;
God is the river, swimmer,
So let go …
_________________________

One thing I need, to end this year and entering the new – Courage.

So Will I

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God of Your promise
You don’t speak in vain
No syllable empty or void
For once You have spoken
All nature and science
Follow the sound of Your voice

And as You speak
A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath
Evolving in pursuit of what You said
If it all reveals Your nature so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I
So will I …

2018 – Borneo, Malaysia.

Return from Rainbow Bridge

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Have you ever walked along a beach?
You walk towards something in the distance.
For the longest while it never seems to get any closer even though you are walking and walking.

Then all of a sudden, you are there.
You’ve arrived at last.
That’s what grief is like.

Meanwhile we are running with you in the spray of the surf at the edge of the shore where the sand meets the sea.
We are cheering you on.

March 2014 – Bali, Indonesia.

Oksana Rus

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Tipani flower skies blazing rapture of color laced tree crowns silhouettes along the ocean diamond necklaced beach…
of my heart in fragrance of love spilled by caressing kisses of the sun opening the gates to dive deep through away to horizons with no return…”

Silhouette
/sɪlʊˈɛt/

noun: silhouette; plural noun: silhouettes

1. the dark shape and outline of someone or something visible in restricted light against a brighter background.

March 2014 – Bali, Indonesia.

Is He Worthy?

Do you feel the world is broken?
Do you feel the shadows deepen?
But do you know that all the dark won’t stop the light from getting through?
Do you wish that you could see it all made new?

Is anyone worthy? Is anyone whole?
Is anyone able to break the seal and open the scroll?
The Lion of Judah who conquered the grave
He is David’s root and the Lamb who died to ransom the slave …

– Andrew Peterson