Impression

Dad, you’ve spent all your life

trying to impress others

Have you, for a second,

thinking about loving yourself a little more?

These days, you’re in heaven,

I wonder, have you,

tasted what is call love?

Or, should I,

remind myself too?

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The glimpse

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It’s the intricate details I miss the most.

The soft lines around the eyes

when you smile …

or that look you have;

the confusion between your brows;

which I stopped my hands to appeased;

sometimes ago that I could not begin to recall

– but I would know it if I saw it again.

It was the look that gave you away.

I’d know that look anywhere …

It will be my everything.

In the beginning

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… of 2019, I woke up with this view from my balcony;

It’s the shine that waken me up from my sick bed.

I love sky,

I believe every beautiful thing comes from above.

On the last service of the year,

He promised that this will be my year.

Looking at the beautiful canvas he painted above,

Isn’t that He still keeping His promises?

Would you, believe with me?

January 2019 – Singapore

Thanksgiving

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It is the time of the year again !

Every year during this season, I would dedicate a post to myself in this place, to reflect and to give thanks for all that have happened in a year.

1. Followers
First and foremost, I would like to thank the 475 lovely souls (at the time of the writing of this post), who are following my ups and downs throughout this year.

Give credit where credit is due – Most of the poems are originated from different authors and I do not own any copyright for articles posted as quotes herein. However, those articles remained heartfelt and reflected the very moment of my emotional state when it was posted. That being said, all words screamed the inner voice that was long for an escape in me. Thank you, for listening to my heart.

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.”

2. Career advancement
Another fruitful year in term of career, I am thankful to God for opening every door that shut on my face, and rewarded me abundantly in public for what I’ve been praying fervently in secret. Without Him, I can do nothing !

Whilst it remained a fiery desire in my heart for being ambitious, I have constantly reminded myself the two things that I could bring to the eternity, and career is neither of them ! Meanwhile my feet are landed on the ground, I aim to get a life that means something to myself; or to someone; which is more valuable than career itself – it is call purpose.

“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”

3. Health
2018 is an unexpected deterioration in term of health. I have encountered the first time in my life a full anaesthesia performed on me for an unexpected surgery which came out of no where. I believe God is faithful, for all that happened, He will restore 120% !

“Stretch. Inhale. Exhale. Feel. Become. Aware.”

4. Family
Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. I endeavour to keep myself moving and improving, but behind every good success and achievement, there is one powerful woman of God who keeping me in prayers every single minute. Thank you mum, and I love you.

“The best way to feel family is being part of it.”

5. Friendship and Relationship
Friendship – People who remained, are those that gonna be the friends forever! Thank you everyone for making my life a colourful one! This year, new friendship has brewed, and some of those are very dear to me, whom I wanted so much to carry on as friend.

“Don’t walk in front of me … I may not follow; don’t walk behind me … I may not lead; walk beside me … just be my friend”

Relationship – They say time doesn’t heal emotional pain, you need to learn how to let go. This is indeed the year of learning how to let go of the past. I was once believing that a broken heart could never have the same strength to cradle this thing call love. But God has proven me wrong.

We may be living in a world that being ‘instant’ is the ‘substance’ that moving us towards our heart desires. However, after the crushing and pressing of the grapes, a good wine goes on to the process of fermentation, clarification, and aging – which required time. This is what it’s all about. The past that I have let go, I would never want to pick it up again. However, I have learned to allow myself to be fragile; putting down the fences of guarding my heart; it is when I conceded to be vulnerable, I found the strength to love again. All I need, is the fortitude of valor to begin this journey.

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…”

6. Travel
From time to time, I would allow myself to have a solitude of moment with the greatest High. That is when I renewed my visions and dreams. I’ve spent a fair amount of time travelling the globe in this year only to found that slowly but steadily, I could enjoy the ‘restful’ moment without checking my work phone intermittently . It is vital, to have this selah every now and then. I have learned throughout my travel moment, listen to the ‘still small voice’ which guiding my path everyday. It is not about marking another territory where I setting my foot on, it is about another journey that He stays beside me – so faithfully. Indeed, I nearer than I was yesterday and further than I am today.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

7. River that flows
Last but definitely not least, this whole post will rendered meaningless without giving thanks to my God, who are the River that flows in my life for every season. I aim to go with the flow, the relentless twists and bends, acclimating to the motion, and a sense of being led by Him. I am hoping that in 2019, it will be a year of breakthrough for me, in all area.
_________________________
In the ever-shifting water of the river of this life – I was swimming, seeking comfort; I was wrestling waves to find a boulder I could cling to, a stone to hold me fast, where I might let the fretful water of this river round me pass.

And so I found an anchor, a blessed resting place, a trusty rock I called my Savior,
for there I would be safe.

From the river and its dangers,
and I proclaimed my rock divine,
and I prayed to it “protect me”

and the rock replied:

God is a river, not just a stone;
God is a wild, raging rapids;
And a slow, meandering flow;
God is a deep and narrow passage;
And a peaceful, sandy shoal;
God is the river, swimmer,
So let go …
_________________________

One thing I need, to end this year and entering the new – Courage.

So Will I

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God of Your promise
You don’t speak in vain
No syllable empty or void
For once You have spoken
All nature and science
Follow the sound of Your voice

And as You speak
A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath
Evolving in pursuit of what You said
If it all reveals Your nature so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I
So will I …

2018 – Borneo, Malaysia.

Return from Rainbow Bridge

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Have you ever walked along a beach?
You walk towards something in the distance.
For the longest while it never seems to get any closer even though you are walking and walking.

Then all of a sudden, you are there.
You’ve arrived at last.
That’s what grief is like.

Meanwhile we are running with you in the spray of the surf at the edge of the shore where the sand meets the sea.
We are cheering you on.

March 2014 – Bali, Indonesia.

Oksana Rus

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Tipani flower skies blazing rapture of color laced tree crowns silhouettes along the ocean diamond necklaced beach…
of my heart in fragrance of love spilled by caressing kisses of the sun opening the gates to dive deep through away to horizons with no return…”

Silhouette
/sɪlʊˈɛt/

noun: silhouette; plural noun: silhouettes

1. the dark shape and outline of someone or something visible in restricted light against a brighter background.

March 2014 – Bali, Indonesia.

PS. You have to be brave

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You don’t fall in love like you fall in a hole.
You fall like falling through space.

It’s like you jump off your own private planet to visit someone else’s planet. And when you get there it all looks different: the flowers, the animals, the colours people wear.

It is a big surprise falling in love because you thought you had everything just right on your own planet, and that was true, in a way, but then somebody signaled to you across space and the only way you could visit was to take a giant jump…

And you can bring your friends to visit.
And read your favorite stories to each other.
And the falling was really the big jump that you had to make to be with someone you don’t want to be without.

That’s it.

March 2014 – Bali, Indonesia.

Remembrance Year – the long way

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Remember how we forgot?

Once upon a time, we were young
Our dreams hung like apples
Waiting to be picked and peeled

And hope was something needing
to be reeled-in
So we can fill the always empty big fish bin with the one that got away
And proudly say that “this time, impossible is not an option”

Because success is so akin to effort and opportunity they could be related
So we took ‘Chances’
We figure skated on thin ice
Believed that each slice of life was served with something sweet
on the side

And failure was never nearly as important as the fact that we tried
That in the war against frailty
and limitation
We supplied the determination it takes to make ideas and goals the parents of ‘Possibility’

And we believe ourselves to be members of this family
Not just one branch on one tree
But a forest whose roots make up a dynasty …

December 2015 – Death Valley, Eastern California, USA.

Nightingale


You are such a potent wine, my friend.
To escape your withdrawal effects,
tomorrow I will drink in excess.

I was a harp you immaculately
plucked at will.
Your score, the nightingale song within
notes composed to imprison
and bear me wings.
Oh, if only they could hear how it sings!

I am now beyond parched.
My strings left untouched.
You are no longer an oasis, my friend,
but a mirage soon coming to an end.

A Map of the Known World

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They say no land remains to be discovered,
no continent is left unexplored.
But the whole world is out there, waiting, just waiting for me.

I want to do things
— I want to walk the rain-soaked streets of London, and drink mint tea in Casablanca.
I want to wander the wastelands of the Gobi desert and see a yak.
I think my life’s ambition is to see a yak.

I want to bargain for trinkets in an Arab market in some distant, dusty land. There’s so much.
But, most of all,
I want to do things that will mean something.

March 2014 – Bali, Indonesia.

Be right back

Capture

“Scars are simply modern battle wounds.
Sometimes the enemy happens to be inside us.”

In a perfect world up there, my surgeon would be out of job !
Meanwhile on the earth, he will try to get the enemy out from me.
From the week onward, wait till my return — all my lovely bloggers !

Thank you for sparing me a thought in your prayers.

Take courage

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Slow down, take time
Breath in
He said
He’d reveal what’s to come
The thoughts in His mind
Always higher than mine
He’ll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting;
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing;

Sing praise my soul
Find strength in joy
Let His Words lead you on
Do not forget His great faithfulness
He’ll finish all He’s begun …

March 2018 – Tokyo, Japan.

West with the Night

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We swung over the hills and over the town and back again,
and I saw how a man can be master of a craft, and how a craft can be master of an element.

I saw the alchemy of perspective reduce my world, and all my other life,
to grains in a cup.

I learned to watch, to put my trust in other hands than mine.
And I learned to wander.
I learned what every dreaming child needs to know — that no horizon is so far that you cannot get above it or beyond it.

September 2018 – Up above the 36,000 ft.

Sara Teasdale

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I thought of you and how you love this beauty, and walking up the long beach all alone.

I heard the waves breaking in measured thunder, as you and I once heard their monotone.

Around me were the echoing dunes, beyond me the cold and sparkling silver of the sea —

We two will pass through death and ages lengthen, before you hear that sound again with me.

August 2018 – Brighton, Victoria, Australia.

You Speak

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free

In the silence of the heart You speak
And it is there that I will know You
And You will know me

In the silence of the heart
You speak, You speak

You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident
In the work of the Spirit I cannot see

In the silence of the heart You speak

Nicole Bailey-Williams

I was a dandelion puff…

Some saw the beauty in me and stooped quietly to admire my innocence.

Others saw the potential of what I could do for them,
so they uprooted me, seeking to shape me around their needs.
They blew at my head, scattering my hair from the roots,
changing me to suit them.

Yet still others saw me as something that was unworthy and needed to be erased.

Flower Dance

Lucy:“They serve the purpose of changing hydrogen into breathable oxygen,and they’re as necessary here as the air is, on Earth.”

Ray:“But I still say……they’re flowers.”

Lucy:“If you like.”

Ray:“Do you sell them?”

Lucy:“I’m afraid not.”

Ray:“But, maybe we can make a deal.”

Lucy:“What do you mean?”

Ray:“Oh, you see, you won’t have to send them anywhere. I’ll pay for them, and then, I’ll leave them here, for you.”

Ursula K. Le Guin

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There was a wall.
It did not look important.
It was built of uncut rocks roughly mortared.
An adult could look right over it,
and even a child could climb it.

Where it crossed the roadway,
instead of having a gate it degenerated
into mere geometry,
a line, an idea of boundary.

But the idea was real.
It was important.
For seven generations there had been nothing in the world more important than that wall.

Like all walls it was ambiguous, two-faced.
What was inside it and what was outside it depended upon which side of it you were on.

November 2016 – Zaanse Schans, the Netherlands.

The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

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The sand in the hourglass runs from one compartment to the other, marking the passage of moments with something constant and tangible.

If you watch the flowing sand, you might see time itself riding the granules.

Contrary to popular opinion, time is not an old white-haired man, but a laughing child.

And time sings.

May 2018 – Sabah, Malaysia.

Peace, I leave with you …

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Another round of self battle left me with the swollen eyes and pounding head.
Indeed, the words came beforehand so that my heart could sustained ….

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27

Who can accept us wholeheartedly?! – only Jesus does.

Thank you

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It is for the heart to understand that it gains strength each time it hurts;
It hurts so much that it pierced through the veins;
running down the arteries.
You tried to swallow the pain but it melted in tears;
turns into vapour.

The pain evaporated.

What left behind, are the sweetest memories coated with an indistinguishable veil.
If you uncovered it, you would realise;
… the pain has secretly created a rainbow.

Thank you, for being one of the colours in my life.

Nescio – Amsterdam Stories

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“It was in December.
I stood in the back of the tram, all the way in the back.
It drove through the country and stopped and started again, it took hours, the countryside was endless.

And the sky got bluer and bluer and the sun shone until it seemed like flowers would have to start sprouting out of the country bumpkins.
And the red roofs in the villages and the black trees and the fields, most of them covered with straw, had it nice and warm, and the dunes sat bareheaded in the sun.

And the road lay there, white and smarting, it couldn’t bear the sunlight, and the glass panes of the village streetlamp flashed, they had trouble withstanding the glare too.

But I got colder and colder.
And the tram ran as long as the sun shone.
It’s a long ride from Hillegom to Leiden and the days are short in December.
By the end, a block of ice was standing there on the tram staring into the big stupid cold sun that was flaming red as though the revolution was finally starting, as though offices were being blown up all over Amsterdam, but still it couldn’t bring a spark of life back to my cold feet and stiff legs.

And it kept getting bigger and colder, the sun, and I got colder and stayed the same size, and the blue sky looked down very disapprovingly:
“What are you doing on that tram?”

November 2016 – Amsterdam, the Netherlands.

Temptation

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Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?! There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

As I was looking back the colours behind me, I wonder is the future that excite me or the past simply attracted me back to the initial temptation.

Both equally destructive – in nature.

December 2015 – San Francisco, California.